At the end of November I started a long vacation period. I decided to go back home to Canada and visit some of my family. It was kind of a weird sensation how much I was looking forward to going home. I'm not usually much about food, but I had the full intention of gaining a lot of weight when I got back. Mmmmm....chilly cheese fries, bacon double cheese burgers, bacon and egg with hash browns, and pizza galore. Thankfully, my family doesn't have any scales, so I never managed to find out how much weight I gained.
The first three weeks were uneventful, with me hanging out with my brother and sisters, getting reacquainted with my nieces and nephews and eating fit to burst my stomach which many days I actually thought might happen). I got all my shopping done for both myself and Christmas, money was flowing out of my account like it was afraid to be in there.
The part of the vacation that wasn't so good is that my father (for all my friends in Canada, this is my biological father not the man that raised me), who has been sick for a few years now, was staying in a nursing home. He had suffered from a couple of strokes and other ailments. As uncomfortable as it was to go visit him, I sucked it up and went a few times with my brother Terry and sisters Tammy and Tracy. He was sleeping every time I went, so I didn't really get to visit him. After a couple of weeks here, his health took a turn for the worse and he was moved to a hospital. The whole family came to see him at the hospital. As unhappy as everyone was, I was happy to see that they were all keeping a positive outlook.
My father has always had the attitude that he didn't want to be a burden on his family and once he got sick I think he was hoping his life would end quickly and not drag on. In a way his wish wasn't granted as he spent a couple of years in ill health. Once he was in the hospital things changed. Within a few short hours the doctors determined that any help they gave him would only prolong his pain and suffering, so it was decided that he would move into palliative care and they would slowly stop his meds and manage his pain until he passed away. I have to say that I don't usually care much for doctors, but they fulfilled their promise here of him passing away pain free and as comfortable as he possibly could be.
While he was being moved to the care suite in the hospital the rest of us took a break and did some things. My brother took me back to Brantford so I could take a shower and when we got back to the hospital my father was settled in and the family was surrounding him. I think there were 13 people in the room when we returned. The impression I got from the hospital staff was that was an unusually large amount of people to be around at the same time, but I think they felt it was a good thing. I know it says allot about what kind of man he was that that many people would be there for him at the end.
When I walked into the room the first time I was struck by the scene. His wife sitting by the bed holding his hand, the rest of the family arrayed around the bed. It was quiet and somber but it didn't take long before people had relaxed and started talking. As I said earlier my father didn't want people sitting around crying for him and I'm proud to say my family accommodated his wishes. Many stories were being told about their memories of life around him. Lots of jokes were told and funny stories about life lived. Periodically there would be short silences of remembrance, but never uncomfortable.
My sister Tammy and brother Terry stayed the whole time, never leaving the hospital until the end. I'm thankful that I could be in the country during this time and I was blessed with the honor of being in the room when he took his last breath. I've always felt that there is some sort of ethereal connection between people and in this instance I feel like that belief was reinforced. My sister Tracy and brother Terry were in the room with me, everyone else had stepped out to get a bite to eat or have a smoke outside, and were talking about something, I don't remember what, when both Tracy and Terry looked at my father and we all realized he hadn't taken a breath for awhile. It became apparent that he was gone. We all took a short moment to grieve in our own ways and then the nurse was called in to confirm what we knew. Then the rest of the family was found and told.
Once everyone was back in the room all the love this family has for each other came out and the grieving started. It was subdued, but it felt right. I was encouraged to see that as sad as this occasion was everyone was calm and I think my father would have been very happy with the way things went. There was sorrow for the loss but it didn't take long and everyone was celebrating his life again.
I feel like I have been very lucky in life. Not many people have past away during my life and I have never had to live through some thing like this before. I was a little afraid of what it would be like. In a couple of ways it was as I expected it to be, but in most others it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. Truly, having the love and support of your family around you in times like these does make it a lot easier to handle.
The ease with which my father passed and the way my family handled it has made me very proud to be a part of this family. I love everyone in this family and I can only hope that when I go I will have a family around me to match what I saw here the past few days. As tragic as it is to have this happen during the holidays, I am thankful that I was here to be a part of it.
